Monday, May 18, 2009
Marriage, Divorce and Children
No matter what divorce is still tough on the kids. You could be perfectly calm and together and accommodate each other and think of the kids first, but it's still going to be rough on the children. They know inherently it's all gummed up and that no one can take the place of Mom or Dad.
Even if the parents partner up with great new step moms and dads it's still going to be hard on the kids...the DNA is not going to be in sync, and that matters and has an affect and effect in regards to personality, behavior, synergy, communication, understanding, and cohesiveness.
I think the lesson here is to take your time before getting married, make sure your partner is your friend, and think long and hard before having children. They aren't furniture or new window dressings, toys or dolls, pets to coo over, or as a temporary dodge to personal responsibility.
And we need to guard against falling to easily into supposed norms just because, and stop with the pressure on our daughters to get married and have children.
We have to recognize the cultural box we try and cram everyone into, and that it isn't a one size fits all world. Maybe then we would cut down on unwise marriage decisions born out of fatigue, loneliness, or the easy way out.
Being able to have children and raising them are two vastly different things.
All this being said sometimes things just turn out bad, booze, gambling, drugs, infidelity, theft, violence, jealousy, employment issues, money, home life and surroundings all of it factors in and a new start is best for everyone even the children...but they'll know that too.